Current location:	My bedroom floor
Current mood:	depressed
Current music:	+44
Entry tags:	my hereo!

Along time ago...
I haven't posted in two weeks, and uite alot has been happening!! Firstly I got a job, but then I quite because I didn't like the idea of making cakes for Marks & Spencers! I'm sure it fun, but its not my thing!! Also I went back to school last week and already the homework is piling on. My subjects for my (hopefully) final year of school is Biology, Sociology and English Literature.. So its not a bad subject choice.
Well, now that I have the basics out of the way, I thought I would tell the readers of livejournal what my life is really like! I only ever seem to skim the top, and today I don't want to do that!!
I was born on the 27th of August about a couple of days over due to my parents, Stewart and Connie. I weighed average baby weight and was born sometime around the early evening! The exact numbers I do't know and don't care, that was then this is now.
bout 18 months later my sister Molly was born, on the 28th of November, premature and was not average baby wieght, but early evening again.. I think...?
My early childhood was normal, what most people would expect from two children growing up in a loving family home. But it all changed when I came old enough to understand. Adults say you never really learn who your parents are, well I guess I do, It was like being slapped in the face with a fish. My dad is ill, always has been ever since he was born. When he was born, his heart was round the wrong way and if any of you do human biology or know anything about the human eart you know this means trouble. I am ot going to explain it but just check wikipedia and serch for human heart there you will see the basics that you will need to know!! My dad also conducted polio! Which is a muscle wasting disease. My dad was not enoculated when he was a child as when he was young many people thought somthing, like an even nastier disease could be cause, so my dad never got the chance for the injection.. Kinda makes you think really!!
Anyway fast forward about 40 years, 18 or so operations and 2 weddings, takes you to about 10 or so years ago. My dad had a brick chucked at his leg, now seeing as his muscles on the left side of his body are already weakened by polio, then his leg never properly healed. So my dad now walks on chruches because the leg couldn't properly heel. Now don't get me wrong, all men are anrgy or habe an anger streak, its nature, but my parents owned a shop in a rough area, where my parents tried to make a decent lives for themselves and thier family, unfortunately people where jealous and hated thier success, stealing off of us, and physical violence. Whats more is that now my dad can't walk properly and the nearly opened Asda, led to bad sales and a loss of money. We decided to move and run away from the debt collectors, hey what would you do in our circumstances, two children and a husband who well... is dasbled and can't leave the house in case of more physical violence!
Nearly at the end or near to present day... So we moved to a god awful house in Ivy Cottage, and my parents tried to make it as small holders or small famers and things where alright. Things where finally looking up! Except my dad is getting worse, or iller. He goes to the doctors who refer him to a specialist in London, that is a 3 hour journey to a place I've never been to abandon my dad in a horrific sitation. What might happen I don't know. So we all get into the car and travel to London, the capital city of UK!! We leave my dad in a hospita far away, with very few people who love him, apart from my uncle. But I'm not going to talk about him here!! So the rest of my family drive back to wales and in a week or so time my dad comes back. I don't understand what is happened, I must have been to young or didn't understand what was beng said! A valve was leaking into my dad's lungs, and causing my dad's heart to fill up with blood. This is almost like suffication. Now as you know my dad heart is round the worng way, now from what I understand about basic human biology and what my dad has told me, the valves and arteries or blood vessels don't fit properly this means well the blood leaks. So the pressure is dropping and blood or water like substance fills my dads lungs! He is given all kinds of medication, but they are not working as well as they used to. So a decision is made to fit a mechanical pump or pacemaker is fitted to my dads heart. And this helps a little, although their are problems my dad can't go near static electricity as it changes the settings and can't ride escaltors, ging abroad will be difficult as getting health insurance will be a problem, but oh well we can live without foreing holidays in the sun.
Fast forward about five years and I am comig to the end of my compulsory education. I am on school vacation waiting for my exams to come out. My Dad is taken to a new hospitl in London, Heirfield's the nearest transplant hospital to us! My dad goes in, and me and my sister who have seen my dad go into numerous hospitals around the country mostly into London, but thier you go!
My dad comes back and about a week later my parents sit me and my sister around the dinning room table and we have a family discussion! Now I know what I was thinking, great its going to be something about the amount of time me and sister spend on the computer or watch the TV, but no its about my dads health. Have you ever felt someone so close to you but so far away from you? Well this is what it felt like. As my friends where getting ready for their summer holidays and awaiting exam results, me and my family hwas waiting for the most important result of our lives, will my dad be given the hope to get onto the transplant list, the only forseeable cure to sutain my dads life. About week later my dad is told he is given that hope for a chance to see his daughters grow up and maybe if he is lucky see his grandchildren! Allthough I am sure about not wanting children so it leaves it to my sister. So here we are about 13 months after my dad was put onto he heart transplant list, and so far no call to hospital nothing, not a sign, nor a glimmr of hope! So here I am typing this to no one and everyone! I cn't tell anyone about if I think about my homelife I cry and brea down, which I don't I am the strong one!! So how do I feel lonely, depressed? Yes but also I feel a much stronger emotion of lonelyness. There is no one I can tell, my friends wiuld never want to know, their is already a girl we all know who is in foster care, for her own personal reasons that I will definately not discuss! I can't tell my family and I won't ever speak of it, I hate people knowing I am upset. So here I sit listening to music and poing my heart out and tears roll down my cheeks and what can I do, but sit here tipying my thougts!! No longer can I hold it all in wth the wieght of a tonne of bricks on my back and a heart full a sorrow!!
I hope the people who read it will not leave comments like I feel so sorry for you, and omg how do you cope!
Because I am not so sob story and I am not some book you have just picked up and needs analysing like a book for english!
I hate sob stories..!